Epilogue

I walked in silence as God unfolded the last piece of origami from that experience for me. God stopped me writing at I AM because I’m not a man. One year prior, I had come out of the closet kicking and screaming, holding onto the doorframe with a white knuckle grip… but the truth had finally come out. As I walked, I was awed by what I was being shown. Creation had conspired to show me the truth, fifteen years before I was willing to admit it to myself.

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Interlude 4

I finally understood why God led me to that particular Grief Symbol. Just like that weed would always be on the farm, I would always be Trans. The only way to not be Trans would be to kill my heart, which would destroy everything beautiful in my life in the process. I thought about Jesus’ teaching about weeds and wheat, how they grew together and couldn’t be separated without killing everything.

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Interlude 3

Realization dawned on me. If I lost my direction, God’s currents still directed me. If the wind blew its hardest, the water would still hold me. If I sank, I would sink into God’s love. Even if I crashed onto the shore and out of the water, God’s rain would wash me right back into him.

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Interlude 2

I walked up the tree, sat down next to it, and just let go. I started talking and, before I knew it, I was crying as I told the tree my story. I talked about my childhood. I told my tree about being rejected by two of my friends. I told the tree about how much of a failure I felt like because of Vox. I told the tree how insignificant I felt next to guys like Shannon and Kyle, who I was in a Bible Study with. It poured out of me for a long time.

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