Realization dawned on me. If I lost my direction, God’s currents still directed me. If the wind blew its hardest, the water would still hold me. If I sank, I would sink into God’s love. Even if I crashed onto the shore and out of the water, God’s rain would wash me right back into him.
Read more "Interlude 3"Tears welled up, my cheeks flushed with the shame I felt, and my voice cracked with emotion as I told my story, “At the end of this class, I’m going back home to a job I know I’m not supposed to take. It’s outside of God’s will for me. I just couldn’t handle the pressures of the lunch line any more. I couldn’t handle the anxiety over needing to trust God to provide for me and my family.
“I’ve already quit my old job and my new company is waiting for me. The decision is made and now I have to live with the consequences.”
Read more "Slow Poke"I walked up the tree, sat down next to it, and just let go. I started talking and, before I knew it, I was crying as I told the tree my story. I talked about my childhood. I told my tree about being rejected by two of my friends. I told the tree about how much of a failure I felt like because of Vox. I told the tree how insignificant I felt next to guys like Shannon and Kyle, who I was in a Bible Study with. It poured out of me for a long time.
Read more "Interlude 2"We shared meals, laughs, wine, insights, fears, and dreams with each other. I walked into this woman’s life on the verge of losing my faith entirely. I walked out with the experiences that A. W. Tozer had spoken about in his book that I had read in China. I had journeyed into the land of the Prophet.
Read more "Cultivate"I packed up everything I had brought with me and went back to our campsite, not speaking a word of what had happened to Paul, Shwahh, or Aminah. I showed Carrie my journal entry when I got home and I told her about the experience but I could tell the depth of what happened in the woods wasn’t coming across in my words. I could tell that I didn’t even understand the depth of what had happened.
Read more "Interlude 1"There was soap all over the place. The long haired guy who answered the door explained that he and his brother had a “communal home” and that they co-owned a soap company. He didn’t wear shoes. (When I finally worked up the courage and asked him why he didn’t wear shoes, he looked at me like I was the crazy one and told me “they rob you of texture.”) One guy was laying on an ottoman in the middle of the room and spent most of the evening staring upside down at Carrie and me. There was a dude who had changed his name to Shwahh… how you pronounce an upside down e.
Welcome to Ecclesia.
Read more "Holistic"I realized that my Baptist/Bible Church theology was too narrow. I watched God use Lutheran missionaries just as much as he used me. God spoke through my Evangelical Free friends and my Methodist coworkers. There was room for all of us underneath the canopy of God’s love yet we often bickered over our differences instead of celebrating the fact that God’s love went beyond those differences.
Read more "上帝"I’ve had a lot of great pastors in my life. Three of them have published books and another should have. Most of them have spoken at leadership seminars for other pastors. However, none of them taught me more about God’s love than Michael Subialdea… and Michael did it without ever saying a word to me.
Read more "Restless"We were both trying so hard to be what everyone, including the Evangelical interpretation of God, expected us to be. She was supposed to be a dutiful, submissive wife. She was supposed to find her deepest joy in our kitchen or folding our laundry. I was supposed to be a providing, dominant husband. My deepest pleasure was supposed to be in our recliner or taking out our trash.
Read more "Formulaic"I don’t remember much of our time together, other than it feeling very cold and sterile in his office. However, he punched through my darkness with one question: “Dallas, do you think Jesus would be surprised if he walked into your bedroom and you were wearing women’s clothing?”
I relaxed internally as it hit me that an Omnipotent God wasn’t shocked or surprised. He knew. I could tell him all about “it” and he would listen because he already knew about “it”.
Read more "Tolerant"
Dallas Begnaud 