OK. You want a dating update, right? Everyone wants to know what my dating life is like. Fine.
…so A from my last blog post only lasted two days after that blog post. She told me she thought I was more into her than she was into me. I was like “yep” and then we both moved back out into the garbage heap of middle aged dating. She will forever live on as Chili’s in my dating annals… since we went to Chili’s for a date. I still feel so dirty about eating there.
A few days later I matched with D. She and I hit it off immediately. I mean it. I looked up from my phone and realized that we had been messaging for almost three hours. We would go really deep but then a few minutes later we would both be acting like smartasses and making each other laugh. It was effortless. I asked her out and she said yes. I did a little happy dance and went to bed. D’s pictures she sent me had this effortless feminine swagger to her… like a brunette Megan Rapinoe that had longer hair and didn’t play soccer.
A couple of days later, when I was in the tub, soaking after a long day’s work, D texted me and said she needed to tell me something (we had exchanged phone numbers by this point and the date was a couple of days away). I had a candle lit in the tub with a glass of rose, so I sent a sexy-legs-in-the-bathtub pic to her and said the suspense was ruining my bath. As my sexy legs were flying through the air, her text to me was flying my way… she had helped an ex-boyfriend move that afternoon and he had confessed his love to her. He said that he wanted to be exclusive with her.
“Fuck. Now I really regret saying that.” was her immediate response to receiving my legs pic.
At least I made her hesitate.
D is now listed as The One Who Got Away in my phone. I disabled my dating apps after her because I really, really liked the chemistry between us. I so wanted her to be My Next Girl. Honestly, if she messaged me out of the blue, I think I’d still give her a chance… but I don’t see that happening.
Once I was ready to get back into the saddle after D, I reactivated all of my apps and added Plenty of Fish to the arsenal. The one thing I like about POF is that it lets me see who views my profile, who likes me, and it lets them message me, whether or not I have swiped on them. However, the thing about POF is that it’s a bit like WalMart… there’s a lot going on but you occasionally look around and ask yourself what the hell you’re doing there.
Anyway, on Father’s Day (I still celebrate Father’s Day with my kids), after I had cooked burgers for me and my boys, I get a new message from a woman. Her profile had a Snapchat filter picture so I couldn’t really tell what she looked like but she was very assertive in reaching out to me.
This woman said the usual “hey” and then added that she liked my profile because I was so direct about being transgender and she was blown away by my honesty. I was halfway paying attention when she said that she was enjoying the rain, sitting in the mud, and had put her hand in dog shit.
“What the hell?” was my response. I also immediately thought to myself, “this must be what it’s like to be on the receiving end of the crazy messages I send to women I match with.” Anyway, this woman clarified her story and it made a lot more sense.
After the Mud-and-Dog-Shit story, she explained to me that she was a very private person and that she wanted my snapchat account so that I could see what she looked like. One of my coworkers in his 20s said that Snapchat is where matches on dating apps go to die so I was SUPER hesitant to give her my info… plus I wasn’t wearing any makeup and the last thing on earth I wanted to do was send her pics. However, I gave her my handle and my app blew up with her photos. I was stunned at how good looking she was. Like, I actually got nervous.
The next day, A (yes, another letter A) asked me if I would be OK with her sending me a “tasteful nude.”
Let me take a timeout here. Never in my life before this moment had I been the recipient of a nude photo. This was completely uncharted territory for me. As I’ve told this experience to my friends, I feel like they have had two drastically different responses. Some of them cater to their more base natures and they enthusiastically say that they would respond with a positive answer. My other, more mature friends have said that they would probably block the person and move on to find for someone a little less spicy and with higher morals.
So what did I do?
Well, A and I went on a date two days later. It became apparent to me within 30 seconds of meeting her that she lived with an anxiety disorder. That’s the nice way to say it. She was a bit of a hot mess. But we had a really good time walking around an outdoor mall and maintaining safe distances from other people. At the end of the date she kissed me and grabbed my ass. She spent the night the next weekend. I cooked her brunch and felt really sorry for her when she told me that she’d never had anyone cook her a brunch before.
The weekend after that she spent the night again. It was on that second overnight stay that she gave me a necklace and told me she loved me.
A knew that I took those words seriously and that I don’t let them fly loosely. She told me she still wanted to say it to me.
That Wednesday she dumped me via Snapchat video.
I’ve nicknamed this one The Sex Tornado because, for three insane weeks, she swept my entire life up into her chaos and then suddenly dropped me out of her whirlwind. I was actually a little relieved when she cut me loose because I was so emotionally drained.
So, I’m taking a break from dating right now. I’ve got my kids for the last three weeks of their summer break and our plates are super full with fun. We have to finish Avatar. We’ve got a video game to beat. I turned them on to 30 Rock and now I have the pleasure of watching them laugh at my spirit animal, Liz Lemmon.
Besides, Chili’s, The One Who Got Away, and The Sex Tornado were more than enough for the first half of 2020.