WHAT I’VE LEARNED

We have a fetish in The West with stories having a lesson or a moral. A story can’t just be a story. For some strange reason, we have a compulsion to have something to apply or learn. I blame Ancient Greece for this weird obsession.

Fine. You want to know what I’ve learned over the last few years?

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I’m Done Limiting

I guess I’ve just hit the point at which hiding takes more energy than being myself. What that means, for me, is that I’m transitioning. It’s a huge step that I’ve been wrestling with for two years. All of my excuses to not transition have fallen away.

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Turned Into Something

Around the same time that I had just given up and decided that I didn’t have any hope of a financial future, my boss in Specialty asked me to apply for a Full Time opening we had. Within a month of being hired, the people around me realized that I was capable of more than I was doing.

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She Didn’t Bat an Eye

We messaged for a while, talking about her dog, life goals, our kids, and other random shit. Once I decided she probably wasn’t going to murder me, I asked her out for coffee. It was awkward, like most first dates. I just talked and let her talk. I felt like it was going OK. It was at the end of the date, as I walked her to her car, that she gave me this flirtatious look and I felt my insides twist a little.

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Epilogue

I walked in silence as God unfolded the last piece of origami from that experience for me. God stopped me writing at I AM because I’m not a man. One year prior, I had come out of the closet kicking and screaming, holding onto the doorframe with a white knuckle grip… but the truth had finally come out. As I walked, I was awed by what I was being shown. Creation had conspired to show me the truth, fifteen years before I was willing to admit it to myself.

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With the Sinners

The part that makes me most sad is that the people in your communities that most need to hear what I have to say dismissed me a long time ago. That’s part of the problem with the way you handled me when you found out I was transgender… you cut me off, ostracized me, and threw the one bible verse related to gender expression in my face.

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A Desire to Connect

If I’m honest, so many of the pictures were taken to share on Instagram or Facebook. I wanted to share with you a very carefully staged portion of my life. I couldn’t just have my son take one picture of me in front of a cool wall. I made him take, like, 20 pictures.

What the hell is that?!

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